Friday, September 07, 2007
Joke of the WeekI went to the doctor’s last week.
‘It’s really embarrassing, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green Green Grass of Home.’’
He looked at me, ‘You’ve got ‘Tom Jones Syndrome’’.
‘Is very common?’
‘It’s really embarrassing, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green Green Grass of Home.’’
He looked at me, ‘You’ve got ‘Tom Jones Syndrome’’.
‘Is very common?’
‘It’s not unusual… to be loved by anyone and when I see you hanging around with anyone…’
Labels: Jokes
Friday, July 20, 2007
Joke of the WeekHave you heard my joke about butter?
(Whisper) Don't spread it...
Joke of the week will be back in September.
Labels: Jokes
Friday, July 13, 2007
Friday, July 06, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Joke of the WeekHow do you get four elephants in a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back!
How do you get four hippos in a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back?
You can't, the elephants are still in there!
Labels: Jokes
Friday, June 15, 2007
Joke of the WeekA ship with red paint on board collided with another ship carrying blue paint.
Some of the sailors were marooned...
Labels: Jokes
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Joke of the WeekEarly this week, I'm off camping in the Yorkshire Dales.
What's brown and comes steaming out of cows (Cowes) backwards?
The Isle of Wight ferry.
Labels: Jokes
Friday, June 01, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Joke of the WeekWhy aren't there any aspirins in the jungle?
Because the parrots eat'em all (paracetamol).
Labels: Jokes
Friday, May 11, 2007
Joke of the WeekKNOCK, KNOCK.
WHO'S THERE?
M. A. B. IS A BIG HORSE...
M. A. B. IS A BIG HORSE WHO?
M. A. B. IS A BIG HORSE... I'M A LONDONER, THAT I LOVE LONDON TOWN...
Labels: Jokes
Friday, May 04, 2007
Joke of the WeekI had a knock on the door.
'I'm from Littlewoods.'
'Great, I've won the pools?'
'No you owe money on your catalogue.'
Labels: Jokes
Friday, April 13, 2007
Joke of the WeekHard Luck Story 2
Ofsted Inspector reads a health and safety notice - 'Be Seen at Night, Wear White'.
He goes out, white hat, white scarf, white jacket, white shirt, white trousers, white shoes.
Gets run over by a snow plough...
Labels: Jokes
Friday, April 06, 2007
Joke of the WeekHard luck story.
Ofsted inspector draws out all his life savings and opens a wine bar on the moon.
Had to close it down after a month.
There was no atmosphere...
Labels: Jokes
Friday, March 30, 2007
Joke of the WeekWhat's green and invisible?
(Hold your arm out and stare intently at the upturned palm of your hand)
This cabbage!
Labels: Jokes
Friday, March 23, 2007
Joke of the WeekWhat did the inflatable teacher in the inflatable school say to the inflatable pupil who brought a pin into class?
You've let me down, you've let the school down, but most of all...
Labels: Jokes
Friday, March 16, 2007
Joke of the WeekLast summer I was reading the paper in the living room when I heard a faint knock at the door, when I opened it, there was a snail. He looked up at me and said,
“It’s very hot, can I have a drink of water please?”
I went mad,
“Blooming snails, eating everything in the garden, now you want a drink of water!”
So I picked the snail up and threw him down the street and he bounced about twenty times right to the end.
Last night there was another faint knock on the front door, I opened it and there was the snail, he looked up at me –
“What did you do that for?”
Labels: Jokes
Friday, March 09, 2007
Joke of the Week(This joke can be embellished and extended to cover that awkward last ten minutes of the school day. Not recommended for infants.)
Once upon a time there was a family of gnus, mummy gnu, daddy gnu and baby gnu. They all lived happily together on the great plains of Africa. One day a nasty hunter tracked them and he trained his rifle on the daddy gnu and shot him dead.
The mummy gnu and baby gnu did their best to carry on but tragically one day when she was leaning over a cliff to reach some juicy grass she fell over the edge and fell onto the rocks below.
The baby gnu had no one left to protect him and a pack of hungry lions gobbled him up.
Well, that’s the end of the gnus…
Now for the weather forecast!
Labels: Jokes
Friday, March 02, 2007
Joke of the WeekWhy did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens hadn’t been invented!
(I must apologise if this joke offends any creationists, sorry, supporters of ‘intelligent design’ who currently run some of our state schools)
Labels: Jokes
Friday, February 23, 2007
Joke of the WeekKnock, knock
Who's there?
The interrupting dog.
The interrup...
RAW! RAW! RAW! RAW! RAW! RAW! RAW! RAW!
Labels: Jokes
